Hello my lovely readers. How have you been? Long time no see and I know, I know.. Life has just been rough for me and in this blog I am going to exactly explain why. This is directed to anyone but mainly to those who feel like you are “not going to go anywhere in life” because same, I felt that way too back then. I know how it felt like but trust me, it gets better. It always does in the end, I promise.
Besides getting new devices to actually be back in writing, I, for the first time in forever, finally have my motivation back in doing so. A huge thank you to my parents to always have my back whenever I am in need of support, and with everything else in general. I love you, mum and dad.
Let’s travel in time to my first semester of Year 12.
That is usually the time for seniors to start thinking about their future. Such as, which university they are going to attend, what major they are going to take, what they want to be later in life, et cetera. It sounds stressing and scary, I agree, but that is life. I was terrified thinking about that because I was honestly thinking that I was just a teenager, not knowing anything about that kind of stuff. Like, c’mon.. But we are growing each day and ready or not, we are going to face it.
My friends finally came to conclusions of what they wanted to be in the future. Meanwhile, I was still clueless. Since my mum is a dentist, of course she hoped that I would want to be a dentist too. My dad also hoped the same thing, and I knew it was not easy and not only because of that, I honestly did not think I want that.
Time passed by and I did all my university entrance examinations and I think you can already guess, I did not pass any single one of them. Mainly because my scores were not high enough to get into dentistry. That is when the start of my downfall begins..
Yup, I took a year gap between high school and university because of that. I started developing bad habits such as stopping caring about my own health, avoiding anyone, being constantly down and crying in my room thinking life is unfair, and many more. I would not say I had depression because that requires professional diagnosis to claim and I did not go to any doctors. But, looking at the symptoms, I think those were enough signs for me to be called depressed back then, but again, I would not claim to be.
I took a one-year university preparation course, meaning I would take the exam again next year. One thing out of (actually) many things I realized later is that I am grateful that I made friends with people that were in my shoes. Did you get what I mean? They were basically fighters like me, and that made me quite feel better because I knew I was not alone. Although I did feel sad at times, having people who are “like you” around is something positive.
So, yeah, that is what happened. I also gained anxiety and trust issues (which I still struggle with until now). It is not cute though and I was basically in my dark state of mind in 2019. If I had a time travel, I would choose to not ever going back to that year.
But.. as the title says: It Gets Better.
Please, listen. If you are currently experiencing what I went through, please, I beg you, talk to someone about it. That is something I regret I did not do because when I feel like crap, I always go isolating myself in my room crying and listening to sad songs. Fortunately, I do not do (TW) self-harm or that kind of stuff so I always ended up feeling better after doing so. But, if you are struggling with it, please go talk to anyone you trust. It can be your parents, friends, therapist, et cetera. Please know that there is at least going to be someone who cares about you whether you realize it or not. Even if there is “no one”, I do. If I did not, why would I write this? I wish I could help and save everyone, but even the Prophet could not, because that is impossible. But, I try my best to actually want to make at least someone to feel better about themselves. Everything gets better at the end, I guarantee you.
So, in conclusion, please give life a chance. You only live once and this is reality; life is hard but I believe you can make the best out of it. Who knows if miracle happens tomorrow? Your life matters and always does. Sometimes, it can even be your closest friend or relative that makes you feel like you are “worthless” but trust me, you are not. I love you and you still breathing in this second is what matters. If you are thinking about ending your life, please talk to your local suicide hotline or a professional. I care about you and please think about all the people who love you. You would not hurt them would you?
At the end of the day, it is your life and you are the one who makes all the decisions so I just hope that you are going to appreciate it and live life to the fullest!
Link to Suicide Hotlines (International): http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
